Make Mine a Mojito

Remember that stupid commercial for Clinique Happy with the annoying tag line “Get happy”?

Yeah that was me this weekend in the Nordstrom shoe department. I went a wee bit happy for fall boots. And by a “wee bit” I mean I went a tad overboard. {But in my defense, my dad so graciously offered to buy me one pair as an early birthday present. Thanks, Daddy!}

See, I’ve never owned a pair of boots besides my trusty Uggs. {And we all know how sexy those are.} Since I still plan on hitting my Weight Watchers goal weight by early October, I am determined to get with the program and look like a lady instead of a hobo.

But I am still Practical Patty, so I chose three pairs of boots in basic colors that I hope are classic enough to last me several seasons and that can be worn with both dresses/skirts and over jeans.

Via Spiga ‘Shanti’ Boot

Via Spiga ‘Elma’ Boot

Donald J Pliner ‘Etta’ Boot

I still haven’t embraced the riding boot, mostly because wearing any type of flat shoe makes my already large thighs look even larger. But maybe when I hit my Weight Watchers goal weight I’ll feel differently.  These are a definite contender:

Via Spiga ‘Chester’ Riding Boot

These are great too:

Via Spiga ‘Cristie’ Riding Boot

How about you? What boots are you loving this season?

Note: After posting this, I realized I may have a slight infatuation with Via Spiga boots. Hmmmmm

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I’m jet setting off to Denver for the weekend to spend time with family!

And of course engage in tomfoolery with these lovely ladies:

Enjoy the rest of your week! I’ll catch you laters!

xoxo

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I’ve got nothing exciting to report.

My mind is consumed with this:

{Review to follow.}

And this:

Back later, chickadees!

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“Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.” ~ Brian Andreas

Our neighborhood is cookie cutter, quiet. Home.

Perfect for an evening stroll.

The sun is setting, casting the sky in vibrant shades of orange and pink.

There are fingers linked together and my head resting on Mr. M’s shoulder. Two puppies walk in front us, one with childish abandon and the other still unsure on his feet.

We stop at a flowerbed ripe for sniffing. The fluffy one explores with caution. His big brother dives in head first, nose buried in soil.

A firm hand comes to rest on my neck. I sigh and lean into Mr. M’s touch. He puts his lips to my temple and smiles. We share cherished words in between stolen kisses.

“Look at our little family,” I say and kiss his chin.

“They’re already pals,” he says as Rigby pounces on Oliver.

I laugh and give him another kiss. “Glad we’re lovebirds.”

And this. This is a good moment. The best moment.

Us.

Living our ordinary life.

Note: All pictures were taken with my new camera, Carlton!

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This post is VERY TMI, but after receiving several comments and emails about Milk of Magnesia, I felt a blog post was in order. If this sort of thing grosses you out, I suggest you stop reading now.

Poop Juice.

Call me anorexic, bulimic, addicted to the juice, unhealthy, killing myself slowly from the inside, etc. I don’t care.

THIS SHIT WORKS.

I have horrible digestion, as in my intestines are clogged up for weeks {once it was as long as 6 weeks…talk about pleasant} after eating a bagel or pasta or a salad or fish or cheese or any other food on the planet. It’s not fun. I become a balloon animal I’m so bloated. My tummy aches. And I feel like I’ve lost my will to live.

I’ve been to every doctor known to man to help with my uncomfortable situation. Every one of them gives me the same diagnosis: Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Most doctors recommend switching to a gluten-free diet. No dice, people. No dice. Life without gluten is hell for me.

So I do the next best thing. Overdose on poop juice {kidding…kind of}. I actually have Slynnro to thank for this discovery. While regaling her with tales from IBS-land, she recommended I talk to my doctor about using Milk of Magnesia.

{Cue bright shining light from above!}

So one chat with the doctor later, and, POOF, my IBS was a thing of the past. Poop Juice was my new best friend.

I never knew how great it would feel to actually go to the bathroom every day. And the best part? Milk of Magnesia doesn’t have any steroids or stimulants so it doesn’t wreck havoc on your insides and is non-habit forming. HOLLA.

I go to the nearby Walmart Neighborhood Market and clear the place out of this stuff. {The shelves are literally empty when I leave.}

But do I buy the normal size bottle? Heck no. I go all in and stock up on the bucket-sized containers. It lasts me for months!

If you’re like me and IBS makes you want to punch your fist through a wall, talk with your doctor about using Milk of Magnesia. It could change your life. {Do I sound like one of those drug commercials yet?}

But buy the cherry flavor in the generic brand and save yourself some $$$. {I’m not kidding when I say to buy the cherry flavor. The regular flavor tastes like chalk!} And don’t exceed the recommended dosage {I take my poop juice every evening before bed}. Trust.

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I overheard someone say that jeggings are the new pink. Ummm WHAT? Really?!

First, they are called JEGGINGS. With over 500,000 words in the English language, jeggings is the best name the fashion gods could come up with?!

These:

Just ain’t happening for me.

I have what I like to think of as a “curvy” figure. {Although right now it’s a tad more “round” than I would like. I’m working on it.}

Wearing jeggings would allegedly make me look like this:

Not pretty.

I say allegedly because I haven’t actually worn a pair of jeggings. Because when I was forced to try them on by a stylist, they wouldn’t go past my KNEES. Awesome.

Some women can rock the jegging. You know, those incredibly lucky women that have wonderfully thin thighs. I, on the other hand, with my bigger-than-an-elephant knees, am not one of those people.

I think I’ll stick with the ever lovely Seven Dojo trouser jean that balances out my curves and doesn’t make me look like a deformed triangle.

So what do you think? Are jeggings the new pink?

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Meet Carlton:

He’s my birthday, Christmas, and anniversary present.

These are his friends–Lance, Larry, and Mr. Legume:

50mm f/1.4, 16-35mm f/2.8, 100mm f/2.8 Macro.

And his new girlfriend, Miss Blueberry: {Have I mentioned I have a weird affinity for naming inanimate objects?}

Kelly Moore B-HOBO camera bag. Isn’t she gorgeous?!

Sometimes being a teacher has its perks! I hope to someday add these beauties to the family:

MacBook Pro {17-inch}.

Adobe CS5.

I’ve also signed up for a boatload of DSLR and CS5 for Dummies classes {another perk of teaching at a university: CHEAP continuing education classes!} so I can, ya know, actually use my new camera.

I’ve wanted a top-of-the-line DSLR camera for years, and the savings stars finally aligned to make that dream a reality! YAY.

Happy early holiday celebrations to me!

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“Losing family obliges us to find our family. Not always the family that is our blood but the family that can become our blood. Should we have the wisdom to open our door to this new family we will find that the wishes we had for the father, who once guided us, for the brother, who once inspired us…”

~ Finding Forrester

My grandmother on my mother’s side of the family is sick, dying.

And I feel nothing. Not sadness or anger or confusion or regret. Only apathy mixed with the tiniest bit of guilt. Guilt over feeling nothing.

And that makes me feel like total shit and the worst person on the planet because I should care. Because when a family member is dying, you should feel something.

I’ve never been close to my mother’s side of the family. They’re dysfunctional {to put it nicely}, and I just can’t have that in my life. My entire immediate family can’t have that in their lives. I haven’t spoken to or seen most of them since I was a very young girl. My mother hasn’t seen them in almost 20 years. They weren’t invited to my wedding.  They aren’t privy to major life events. And when it’s the holidays and families are meant to be together, they’re somewhere else across the United States without phone calls or holiday cards or presents. Not on Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving or Birthdays.

If anything, that is the really unfortunate part of this situation. The familial bond is supposed to be the strongest one you have. But sometimes strings must be cut, ties broken. I’ve always been of the frame of mind that blood doesn’t necessarily mean family, especially when that blood is toxic.

Even now, when one of them is actually dying, I have no desire to make things right. They’re nothing but strangers to me, to my immediate family.

But it does hurt me to see my mother in pain. Because honestly, she’s the only person I care about in all this. And despite the fact that she has virtually no relationship with my grandmother, it’s the only mother she has. And she’s dying.

Which makes me feel helpless and shameful and pitiful.

Ugh.

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W-O-W!

BlogHer was…amazing and hilarious and exhausting and swag bags galore and blisters covering every inch of my feet and weight gain and cocktails and cheeseburgers and bittersweet moments and friendship building and competitiveness and bonding and a shitload of fun!

And the best part? I got to share in the tomfoolery with these kick ass ladies: Miss E of Miss E’s Misadventures, Lulu of the Dirty Martini Diaries, and Erin of Blue-Eyed Bride.

Wednesday:

Wednesday morning I stepped fresh off the boat {errr plane} into a magical world known as New York City. This was only my second time visiting the city, the first being five years ago for a mother-daughter trip.

Erin met me at baggage claim and our adventure began. After checking into the hotel, we headed over to Rock Center Café for lunch where I ordered the Strawberry Vanilla Mojito {got to start BlogHer out right!} and other delicious food.

It is obviously corn season in the city because at least two of every three meals I ate used summer corn in some way. You can imagine how my stomach reacted to this starchy vegetable {TMI??}.

After we did some fun NYC sightseeing and shopping. As my bad luck would have it, I found the turquoise shoes I’ve been searching for and lusting over in the Christian Louboutin section of Saks Fifth Avenue. For only $800, these beauties can be mine…or not.

We finished up the afternoon at Magnolia Bakery where we met up with Mrs. MMM {who, by the way, was so sweet!} and her adorable son, J.

Early evening brought CRAZINESS. We dolled ourselves up for dinner at Balthazar, where we almost missed our reservation because it took us 45 minutes to catch a cab and another 30 minutes to get to the restaurant.

This is Erin’s way of saying that our evening was a complete clusterf***.

After shoveling down risotto for me and steak for Erin, we hopped in a cab to head over to the Theater District to see Billy Elliott.

Scariest. Cab. Ride. Of. My. Life.

I think I saw my life flash before my eyes every time I blinked. By the time we reached Billy Elliott, I was running to the bar in need of sustenance and the calming effects of liquor. Only problem with buying alcohol before a theater performance? They serve it to you in an adult sippy cup and charge you $20 a GLASS. Yes, you read that correctly.  I got 6 oz. of wine for $20!!!! Ridiculous.

After the show, we headed over to Whiskey Park to meet up with Miss E and Lulu. This was my first time meeting Miss E and after talking with her for only a few brief moments, she quickly became one of my very favorite people!

Wednesday ended with the four of us laughing and talking until the wee hours of the morning.

Thursday:

We woke up early Thursday morning and Lulu took us on a stroll though Central Park, around the Upper East Side, to the steps of the Met, and back to our hotel. On our leisurely walk, we ran into this fabulous group of rainbow people. Need I say more?

OMFG IT WAS SO HOT IN NYC. By the time we made it back to the hotel, my blue dress was dark navy and wet from being drenched in sweat. Have I mentioned that I “glow”?

While Lulu, Miss E, and Erin got ready for the day, I dried myself off and hopped in a cab over to Union Square where I met my brother for lunch at Union Square Café. This place was delicious. Did I mention my meal had CORN in it? It was so wonderful catching up with my brother. It’s been months since I’ve seen him! And so random he happened to be in NYC at the same time as me!

Then I made a vital mistake. Instead of catching a cab like a normal person, I thought it would be a GRAND idea to walk back to the hotel in scorching heat wearing a dress, long-sleeved cardigan, and Reef flip-flops. People, I walked over 50 blocks in NYC! And at no point did I ever think to get in a cab. I blame the wine at lunch for my stupidity. I finally made it back to the hotel and collapsed in an attractive puddle of glow. {Sorry, there is no picture. I have some self-preservation.}

After I recuperated, we picked up our BlogHer badges and swag bags! HOLLA for free crap! I wish I had a photo of Lulu’s badge. Somehow her badge was quotation mark central. Every word on her badge had quotation marks around it. Even now, that shit is still funny! {Though writing it now, it probably seems lame. I promise it was funny!}

We went through our swag where I got a Toy Story 3 Mr. Potato Head!! YESSSS.

Lulu was able to get us into the AOL Blogger’s Night out party where I had a major fangirl moment and met Chef Marcus Samuelsson, winner of season two of Bravo TV channel’s Top Chef Masters, earning the title of “Top Chef Master.”

This party was so fun! Where else can you take pictures like this? And, yes, I am holding a random picture of Audrey Hepburn. Don’t ask.

Miss E, Erin, Lulu, and Me

After the AOL Blogger’s Night Out Party, we went to Babbo for dinner and had one of the best meals of my life! {And there was corn involved!} NOM NOM NOM.

I ate my weight in pasta but it was SOOOO worth it. And let’s not forget about the strawberry bellinis.

Downside of the meal? I thought it would be a good idea to take my shoes off underneath the table. When I tried to put my shoes back on, my feet were so swollen they wouldn’t fit in my shoes.

Cue CANKLES. Awesome.

Friday:

Erin and I were lucky enough to be selected for the ShopAtHome.com Shopping Spree through NYC’s Garment District. Let me tell you, this was hardcore shopping at its best. The Elegant Tightwad, Pamela Parisi, took our ShopAtHome.com group to various designer showrooms, where clothing, handbags, jeans, evening wear, lounge wear, etc. were sold to us at wholesale.

On the bus on the way to the Garment District.

We were asked not to reveal which designer showrooms we visited nor were we allowed to take pictures, but I can tell you that I walked away with a gorgeous new handbag, dresses galore, several silk and heavy cotton tops, and items that would easily grace an Anthropologie catalog. LOVE. And all for under $150, which ShopAtHome.com provided to each shopper. YAY.

We met up with Miss E and Lulu after lunch and immediately hit the BlogHer expo hall. This expo was, hands down, the best one I’ve ever been to!

We played Just Dance on the Wii, met Mrs. Potato Head, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the Jimmy Dean Sausage Sunshine Guy, Tamra Barney of the RHOC {who, by the way, looks PLASTIC and so skinny}, and Marmaduke. We got so much great swag including a Jimmy Dean alarm clock and free Spanx. Padma Lakshm, host of Top Chef, was also there but I didn’t get to meet her.

I look like a HOUSE next to Tamra in this picture. Hella sexy.

We finished off the afternoon with BlogHer’s Voices of the Year speeches. SO FUN. We sat with Kristabella, Slynnro, and Regan! I’ve been looking forward to meeting Kristabella and Regan for over a year. My dear friend, Slynnro, says nothing but awesome things about them, and they did not disappoint.

Instead of attending the BlogHer Voices of the Year Charity Art Auction and Gala, we had drinks in the bar with the lovely Amy of ABCD Design. LOVE HER. It was so great to put a voice to someone I chat with regularly!

After, we met up with Millitini and Paisley Pearls at The Stanton Social for dinner. Great food. Wonderful company. Tons of laughs.

Saturday:

Saturday morning we decided it might be a good idea to actually ATTEND a BlogHer session since, ya know, that’s why we came on this trip in the first place. We scoped out our options and thought the writing lab was our best bet. We had the pleasure to sit next to Whitney from the Glamorous Life of a Housewife and her family {who were all so wonderful and sweet}.

The writing lab, on the other hand? LAMESAUCE. I felt like the session was a big egofest and the tips they provided weren’t that helpful. Also, since it is a WRITING LAB, I thought it would focus more on WRITING and less on general advice and what other bloggers do to find inspiration.

Seeing as how we weren’t that impressed with the morning session, we decided to frolic around NYC for the remainder of the afternoon. Lulu took us to her old stomping grounds and checked out her old apartment and neighborhood. I also bought some pashminas from a street vendor.

Then we met up with Slynnro for dinner at Pure Food and Wine, a raw food restaurant. This was my first experience with raw food. Let me tell you, my corn and cashew tamales were THE SHIT. So good. And it was nice to end the trip with a clean dinner that actually made me feel good and not weighed down.

Before the BlogHer parties started, we went to happy hour at Robert on the 9^th floor of the MAD Museum, which gave a striking view of Columbus Circle.

We made it back to the hotel just in time for the end of Sparklecorn and the start of Cheeseburger. Immediately upon walking into Cheeseburger I met Julie from Angry Julie Monday. I LOVE her. This party really needs no more explanation than these pictures. {Can we talk about how ridiculous I look? And no, I was not wasted when this was taken. Shocking, I know.}

Whew. Are you all still with me? Those of you that made it this far, I commend you!

BlogHer was a blast. I met so many amazing bloggers and had the time of my life with some of my closest friends.

I already miss them all so much!!

But life is funny that way. One minute I can be hundreds of miles and thousands of moments and countless memories away from my best friends, and in the next breath, I am transported back to BlogHer and an overcrowded expo hall, jammed inside a photo booth with the three best women in the world.  I love you all.

See you all at BlogHer 2011 in San Diego!!

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