Note: I wish I could take credit for the amazingness that is this blog post, but alas, all glory must go to my dear friend, Princess Tartini. She sent this to me at work yesterday and I literally died laughing…so much so, that I knew I had to share the wealth and pass it on. Plus, she does ask an important question, why must new shoes squeak?
This weekend I HAD to buy new shoes. HAD to buy new shoes you say? Yes, HAD to buy new shoes, and I will tell you why. For anyone who has ever worked or been a visitor at the place where I work, Company XX, you will know that the parking lot is a vast sea of concrete gone bad. There are pot holes everywhere, places where the concrete is higher than other places, and little cracks and pieces missing all over the lot. To top off this poor excuse for a place to park a car, Company XX decided not too long ago, that yes indeed, this parking did need to be repaved; however, in what I can only infer to be a jab at those employees who do not arrive before 8am, only the first 10 or so rows were repaved. The rest of the parking lot was left untouched.
Now to my story of how I HAD to buy new shoes. Well, as much as I hated that parking lot, I still had to walk through it every day wearing work shoes. I had bought some cool black peep-toe Nine West pumps earlier this year. Somewhere along the way, the tip of one of the heels fell off the shoe (it is probably still out in that parking lot, wedged between one of the trillion cracks), but I really didn’t care, I just kept walking. Then, last Friday, I was about to put my shoes in my closet and had set them on my bathroom counter to pick up something else when I saw something that I am almost too embarrassed to say: On a level surface, it was quite obvious that ONE, not both, ONE of my heels had worn down almost an entire INCH, compared to the other shoe! NOT LYING! People, I have been walking around this office for months with one side of my body taller than the other! I don’t even want to know how jacked up my hips must be after all of that! So, this weekend, I showed up at Macy’s armed with a coupon, a gift card, and a very real need to buy some new black shoes. I tried on about 10 pairs, and finally settled on a pair of Calvin Klein strappy slingbacks that are still suitable for work.
Like any sane person that has learned her lesson, I wore my flip flops from the car to my desk, and only changed into my new CKs right before my daily morning walk to the coffee pot . . . which is when I noticed that these shoes have the most OBNOXIOUS squeak that I have ever heard. It is painfully obvious that I am the one responsible for this irritating noise and yet I can do nothing about it!
So, dear readers, I ask you:
1. Do you think Company XX should have to repave the rest of the parking lot or else pay for new tips on all of my shoes that fall victim to the awful parking lot?
2. Do you think I can file for workman’s comp for future hip problems I may have has an effect of an uneven parking lot and therefore uneven shoes?
3. Why must new shoes squeak?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m gonna stick around for this one! Why do new shoes squeak?? REALLY???
I had on squeaky shoes yesterday and it was driving me batty!
And yes, Company XX should repave and pay for the heel tips–and I’m sure there’s a workman’s comp argument in there somewhere!
That is crazy! I can’t beleive you didn’t notice that entire inch sooner! But really, why would you have checked? The squeak thing is so annoying though. Hopefully it will go away once you wear them more.
We need an Oliver update!!!
I love Nine West but the tips of the heels have fallen off several pair of my shoes!! But I do wear them a lot!!! And stupid squeaking new shoes!!! Drives me CRAZY!!!
Totally know exactly what you mean! I too, wore squeaky heels yesterday and it made me very self-conscious. At my old job, I had to walk from the parking garage across the oldest part of campus (I worked at a university) that was paved with bricks. Needless to say, there were massive cracks there too. All of my heels would get stuck. I wore flip flops every day to and from the office after ruining my fav pair of pumps!
I have one pair of BR peep toes with gold hardware on them… and ONE of them jingles. Just one. You can always hear me coming in those shoes.
I think the Company XX should repave the parking lot, replace all the tips on your shoes and refund you for post traumatic stress in the form of more shoes.
I see absolutely no problem seeking workers’ comp for your hip claim. If they refuse, I hear Kate from elefantitas is an excellent lawyer. I am sure she would be able to help sue (or at least write a mean letter on her work stationary).
New shoes squeak because they are making their presence known. It is their way of saying hello to everyone that has the honor of being graced with their presence.
Too funny but I would be taking my new shoes back if they squeaked!
The company should totally pay for shoe repairs AND the new shoes that were purchased…as the heels are worn is to comply with the company’s dress code (I assume.) As for workers comp…get that too. I feel we need to take these companies for all they are worth! (maybe this is my own dislike for my job coming through)
As for why new shoes squeak…the world may never know.