Wow. The response to my Q & A post was unbelievable. I am beyond flattered. Thank you!
There is no way I can answer all of your questions in one blog post so I am breaking the questions into topics. Each day this week I will discuss a few of them until (hopefully) all of your questions are answered. If not, leave me a comment.
1. Money, money, money!
How do you save money? How do you afford such nice furnishings? You seem to spend boat load of money on clothes, how do you afford it? Are you in debt? How did you save for a down payment on a house? How did you pay for your wedding?
Some of you wanted to know about our finances so let’s talk money.
The answer is simple: We save. Period.
First, we carry no debt. No car payment. No credit cards. No engineering graduate school debt (I paid this off last year). Nada.
How do we accomplish this?
We live off one income and the other goes into various savings accounts.
Mr. Mojito and I are both blessed with fairly lucrative engineering jobs (crosses fingers that this continues in the future). We both contribute the maximum to our 401K and invest in mutual funds.
It also helps that we live in a townhome in suburbia Dallas where our mortgage is cheaper than when we lived in apartments. (Not to mention the standard of living in Dallas is MUCH less expensive than most other parts of the U.S.)
We also don’t buy anything unless we can pay for it with cash.
There is a common misconception that I spend a shit ton of money on clothes, purses, and shoes. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Those who know me well know I dress like a hobo 90% of the time. I never spend money on clothes. Ever. Honestly.
In terms of the down payment for our house, we split it 50/50. Mr. Mojito used money that was left to him from a deceased relative. My portion came from earnings I made working through college.
Our wedding was paid for in a similar fashion. Mr. Mojito used the remainder of the money from his deceased relative, and I used the remainder of my savings from college.
We work hard for everything we have, but I can see from the brief snippet of my life portrayed on my blog how it’s easy to assume we’re just another $30,000 millionaire couple. We’re not.
2. Oliver Pancake
Oliver is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
We chose a Cavalier because they are the cutest stinking dogs we’d ever seen. As a breed, Cavaliers are perfect for us. They’re smaller in size so they live well in a townhome, they have hair instead of fur (I have bad reactions to fur dogs), and they have a sweet temperament by nature.
I’ve always loved the name Oliver, and the nickname Ollie, so his name was an easy choice. I let Mr. Mojito choose his middle name. He decided on Pancake after Erin at BEB mentioned it. I can’t wait to see what the middle name of our next dog will be.
Before we got Oliver we researched and researched breeders. It is true that Cavaliers have a shorter life expectancy (approximately ten years) and heart problems, but we made sure to go with a reputable breeder to try and avoid common health problems found in the breed. Our breeder’s Cavaliers, in particular, are primarily award-winning show dogs. Oliver couldn’t be considered in this category because he was too small.
We do leave Oliver alone all day. I hate it, but that’s life. We bought this crate and put a plush crate mat in it with a few of his favorite toys to keep him occupied. He is fully crate trained so we don’t worry about accidents. When we get home from work we make sure to play with him and give him some exercise.
If we decide to get a sibling of the four-legged variety for Oliver, we will definitely get another Cavalier, specifically another male. Right now we like the name Finley (Fin for short) and Benson.
3. Talk to me about babies.
Many of you know how I feel about this so feel free to gloss over this response…
First, I want it to be known that I LOVE children.
It is something that is hard for me to explain, but I have never had that “feeling” to be a mother. Even as a little girl, playing with dolls with my neighborhood friends, I was always the stylish model jet setting across the world while my friends took on the role of mother and caretaker.
I love to be around kids and watch them learn and grow. Heck I was a children’s swim coach for six years and a nanny since I was eleven-years-old, but I just cannot ever see myself being a mother. It is strictly a personal choice, not anything brought on by medical reasons.
When I tell people this I usually get a mixture of the following responses:
“You are so young. You’ll change your mind.”
“You’ll regret not having children when you’re older.”
“It is different with your own kids.”
“I never thought I wanted to have children either, but now I cannot imagine my life without them.”
“You are going to miss out on one of God’s greatest gifts.”
“Don’t you think that is a very selfish decision?”
“You’re rejecting womanhood and why God made you.”
“It’s not normal for a woman not to want children.”
“Why would you take away Mr. Mojito’s right to be a father?”
While all of these statements/questions may be true (only time will tell), it still does not change how I feel.
Often times, when people learn about my decision to remain childfree, I am looked at as crazy, dysfunctional, and abnormal. I hate the peer pressure from society and the stigma that comes with the lifestyle of “childfree.”
Because you know what? I am not crazy, dysfunctional, or abnormal. I just have a different family view than most people, and I am content with that. People often forget that having children is a choice and not expected.
Now when people ask, “When are you going to start having kids?” I answer with, “That is not even in our plans right now,” and leave it at that. If they start to give me any of the above comments, I usually say, “I’d rather not discuss this topic with you.”
Bitchy? Maybe. Do I care? Not at all.
Who knows, I may wake up on my thirty-fifth birthday and decide I want to start a family. I will not know until that time comes. Plus, we are not opposed to adoption. Until then, I am at peace with my decision.
I am sure many of you are wondering about how Mr. Mojito feels about not having kids. He is 100% in agreement with me. The conversation about when and if we would have children occurred early in our relationship because I wanted to be upfront and honest with him. If he wanted kids, I wanted him to get out of the relationship early instead of being together for five years and then we have to break up because kids are a deal/relationship breaker for most couples. Mr. Mojito has two younger brothers so I hope one day I can be the fun and cool aunt and spoil their kids like they were my own.
But my self-imposed childfree lifestyle is also my biggest fear: That one day either I or Mr. Mojito will wake up and decide that one of us wants to have a baby while the other person is still aboard the No Baby Train, leading to the demise of our marriage (i.e. Emily Giffin’s Baby Proof). I pray that if that time comes, we can make it through to the other side stronger.
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Of course you are not abnormal (or anything else anyone has implied) for not wanting kids. I crack up when someone feels the need to mention out of the blue how my eggs are drying up. Thanks for the update! Some people need to learn that just because something is right for them doesnt mean its for everyone.
I enjoyed reading these! I appreciate you answering the questions about money. We’ live on a very structured budget, but it’s always helpful to hear what works for others.
I was the same way with the no baby situation. People called me selfish and my mom was not happy when I told her I didn’t want kids. I told my fiance early on in our relationship that I didn’t know if I wanted to have kids. I can picture my life being just as complete and fulfilling without them. Then he told me that he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want kids. So thought about it for awhile and decided that I didn’t want to lose him so I compromised. Even now, my mom and sister both say they can’t picture me with more than one child, so they must know I don’t have the strongest “mommy” gene. It’s not meant for everyone!!
I’ll be curious to see what your troll will do with this….I mean, you didn’t even mention your Lexus.
Great responses to those questions. Knowing both you guys IRL, it blows my mind that people would assume you just run around and blow all your earnings into furniture and stuff. It’s nuts!! I also don’t get why people are so fasnicated with the whole “kids” thing. It’s your choice?! People are funny…
Great answers. I love your answers on money. I always like to hear other peoples perspective on saving money and what not. I can’t wait to hear the rest of your answers. Thanks for being so honest
Enjoying reading your responses. It kind of feel bad for you– the fact that you have to quasi-defend your financial situation. Personal finances are quite private and can also be quite complicated. There is usually more than meets the eye. Just because a couple may seem to be living beyond their meas certainly does not mean that they are. There are so many factors at play beyond just salary (i.e. smart investments, padded savings from a previous lucrative job, inheritance, etc.) This is precisely why it has been a traditionally “off-limits” topic. But you handled it well. Not sure I’d be as comfortable fielding such questions. Then again, I am one to talk because I asked a rather personal question.
love the insight into your finances- again, what works for other people is always interesting to me. and i fully defend your right to not want children- especially since you had that convo with mr mojito early on!
MM, I always think of you when people ask when Mr. Potts & I are going to have children. I get the same responses you do & it irritates me when someone tells me that we’re going to miss out. I just wonder how well someone would take it if I pointed out how much they’re missing out on by having kids.
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who deals with this.
Thank you!
I’ve truly enjoyed reading your responses and perspective on so many issues that each and every one of us deals with in our every day lives.
It’s wonderful to know that we’re not the *only* “abnormal, crazy” folks out there that aren’t planning to have kids …not in our near future at least. Hubs and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary this month, and thankfully, like you and Mr., we are both on the same page.
Thanks again for sharing, I’m so glad to have found your blog
I enjoyed reading your post. I have had my eyes on a King Charles and always love it when you blog about them — makes me want one even more! I too have bad reactions to most dogs, however haven’t had one sneezy itchy encounter with a King Charles yet.
As for the money situation – you handled the answer with much grace.
KIDS — I was wondering after all those nasty “anon” comments if you were even going to broach the subject (again.) I am glad you did. Mr. D and I have been married 2 years and 11 months – we were barely engaged and everyone wanted to know when I’d start popping out babies.
It’s become increasingly clear we are no closer to that “YES, BABIES!” decision then we were when we met. As a matter of fact, with each month that passes it seems like having a child gets further down our list of life choices we want to make as a married couple.
I look at married couples that I know with children and without. You know which ones actually seem to have healthy, happy relationships? Just sayin’ – you, Mr. M may be onto something.
I just love you. You had some pretty crazy questions and you did such a good job of answering them. Loved reading this.
I loved reading this! And I really loved your answers about finances. It’s tricky to answer these types of things sometimes with “troll” folks around here!
I love your response to what I thought were rude questions!
I loved your answer about the great kids debate. I don’t think (key word, think) I’m on your side of the fence on this issue but what you have to say about it is really eye-opening. To each his own, right, and why do some people have such issues understanding that tiny bit of common sense?
It’s funny how as soon as you get engaged, people immediately start getting curious and nosy about your childbearing plans. WEIRD! We want to wait several years to just enjoy being married and I hope I can handle all the odd inquiries with the same grace as you.
I enjoyed reading your answers! Also, I am so glad you’re strong and confident enough to do things your own way instead of “fitting the mold” when it comes to having children. You know what is best for YOU. And, right now…having a family that consists of you, Mr. M, and Oliver Pancakes is what that is, so be it! Enjoy your life, you’re so gorgeous and witty! I enjoy reading your blog daily!
I’m so glad you addressed the finances question, because honestly blows my mind as someone who ACTUALLY knows you what ridiculous anonymous commenters say. You guys have your heads on your shoulders regarding finances and savings more than anyone else I know, and as an individual you are certainly not the shopping-obsessed status whore than some folks seem to think you are. In fact, you’re the opposite – which of course I adore about you! So funny how these rumors start… it really astounds me. xoxo.
Then if you’re really not a status whore who’s obsessed with shopping, maybe you should do a better job of showing that to your readers.
Because seriously, you DO come off as bitch, conceited, and pretentious.
As a loyal reader of this blog, I do not think you come off as a bitch, conceited, or pretentious. I just don’t understand how people do not understand the concept of that little “X” up in the corner. If you don’t like what you’re reading, MOVE ON. How sad is your life that you were willing to take the time to go through the steps to comment on another persons blog to tell them you dislike them? Does that make your day better? Do you feel accomplished? Are you going to go tweet your friends now and say “OHH go look what I said now! HAHA! I TOLD HER!” I really hate to break it to you but if there is one blogger in this world that couldn’t careless what you THINK she is and has huge fan base that loves her, it’s Mojito. Scurry along. Go troll somewhere else.
I don’t even want to give the ridiculous anonymous comment a second thought and I hope you don’t either.
I love that you answered the finance questions even though I’m shocked that people asked. Now my next question for you…will you come here and beat my husband until he quits spending so I can save more. LOL!!!
Grits, you summed it up perfectly! Can I copy and paste your comment? HA!
Mojito, you answered these questions so well. It is so hard to answer such personal questions because it is all so very PERSONAL and PRIVATE.
I love that we both have Cavaliers, they really are such great dogs.
Have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much for answering those questions. I know one of the financial questions had been mine, so I do apologize for asking if it was too intrusive. I did like your answers, though, because you conducted yourself really well.
I’m with you on the no babies thing. I’m not married, which makes me less prone to getting questioned on it, but yeah, people still ask. Don’t they know it’s none of their business?!
I just love you and your fabulousness!!!! Great answers and I love learning more about you! You are a great friend!!
Ps-You want me to send you a shirt that says “Troll FREE, Way 2 Be” ??? hahaha
I don’t see where people are coming from…I read your blog regularly and I’ve never gotten from it that you were obsessed with labels or shopping. Decorating, maybe, but not shopping and labels. = )
Good for you. If you work hard for your money, you don’t owe anyone any explanations for your lifestyle. I myself, am kind of a bitch, and I have a pretty good radar for it. You don’t come across as a bitch (and believe me, I would know).
I loved your answers. So sorry you have to deal with this BS. You don’t have to apologize for being awesome…
great answers. i am always amazed what people feel free to ask. you are a class act!
As someone who feels lucky to know you, I am astounded that people waste their time putting you down and leaving inappropriate comments. Not only are you not bitchy and superficial in any way in real life, but I can’t see how you’ve ever given that impression in your writing. If anything, your blogging is refreshingly real and you show an incredible amount of humility. You have every right to purchase whatever you want, however you want and to share your excitement about these purchases without fear of coming across as pretentious. Although I know you both and have witnessed your patience in working hard to save and buy things you really want for your home (i.e. your nearly empty first floor the last time I was in town)… who is anyone to judge you if you had made some splurges just for the heck of it on pricey items?! You’ve worked hard for what you have, and you and Mr. M only need to justify YOUR purchases, with YOUR money to eachother. I struggle with this often because we also enjoy nice things with our hard earned money and I feel like I need to be ashamed of even mentioning them at risk of seeming superficial. At the end of the day, you are both great people and deserve every success and happiness in life… and that’s priceless!
I really think you shouldn’t allow anonymous posters from posting. Some people are just jealous when they see other people happy.
Way to go for not owning credit cards or having debt, that’s terrific. If only everyone in America were as smart about that.
Bravo!
Can’t wait to read the rest very insightful and inspiring.
I’m anon only because I don’t have a blog of my own or anything to put in that section……I couldn’t even come up with a witty, pithy name
But I am not an anonyhole and wanted to say great posts, great blog and even though I don’t “know” you, something in your writing leads me to believe you can see the irony and humor in the trolls leaving dirty little comments on your blog and your ability to rise above them and address them in your own fashion is freaking fantabulous!!! I look foward to being a faithful reader for a long time and wish you, Mr. Mojito and Oliver Pancake a very happy new year!!!!!
I love your honest answers.
We are also on the no-baby train. I turn 27 next month. To me, that is still very young to have kids, though it’s prime child-bearing time to those in the South. My sister didn’t have her first until 31, and my parents didn’t have me until 32. So if we have kids, it would def be after age 30.
I pray every day to someday be in your financial situation. I blame it all on being horrible at math and therefore not smart enough to become an engineer or doctor or whatever.
I think you did a great job answering all the questions. As many followers have said, your blog is awesome and if someone has a problem with it, they need to move on. We don’t like haters here! I have been following your blog for a few months now and admire your honesty.
I’ve never read your blog before, but I love it! I’m so glad I found it. And, even though I would love to be a mother someday, I applaud your choice as of now and am impressed at the boldness of stating your choice. It’s your life, do what works for you!!!
Loved your answers!
I love this post Mojito
Great job on answering the questions and being so honest about everything. And if you do decide to adopt, I’m all for it 
(since I KNOW adoption is cool! 
)
Oh my goodness, that mean anonymous commenter needs to get a life. I agree with Grits, if you don’t like what you’re reading move on and quit trolling. I think it’s so lame when people hide behind anonymous comments. If you have the (pardon my language) balls to write something so rude, you should sign your real name.
I for one love your blog MM and think you’re great!
I love the name Fin if you guys get another puppy!!
Have you seen the TV show Glee? 
I just ran across your site very recently and so far, I’m loving it. I don’t know how I could have gone a whole year without knowing you were around.
I applaud you for being so open about your financial situation. I was always taught that money is not discussed outside of a marriage, so I find it interesting you had so many questions. Oh well, times change I guess. And, yes, I think it’s great that you are a saver, we are too, and so many people aren’t like that these days!
As for your baby situation, I am a working mom and I often get criticized by SAHM, working families who don’t want kids etc. and I just don’t understand where it is their right to judge me for being a working mom. I know my personality better than anyone and trust me, Lallie does NOT want me to be a SAHM, it wouldn’t work for us. Lallie is a better person because of it, and we are a better family too. We love her deeply and spend all evenings and weekends with her and honestly, I feel we are more organized than a SAHM life (mostly because no one is the house to mess it up all day long! LOL!) I think they way you handle things is perfect, it’s not one elses decision, it’s yours, period.
Love your blog and I look forward to learning more about you!!
you live a more public life than most but that doesn’t mean you need their approval. you’re a strong woman with her head on straight. don’t listen to the negative comments or people opposed to the way you want to live YOUR life. at some point, you just have to say fck it and be happy with yourself and mr. mojito, of course.
I love my kids. I wanted to have kids from the time I was about 11. That said, I am the BIGGEST supporter in the world of those who don’t feel that way. Because make no mistakes. It’s HARD. And raising children well is even harder. If you aren’t addicted to their little chubby butts, probably impossible to do well. So. You go girl. And aunts are fabulous, BTW. World couldn’t operate without aunts….
I know I am way late, because I’m a new reader, but I just stumbled across this today
On babies: I understand where you’re coming from on not wanting to have kids, (at least not now) and sticking to your guns. There are a lot of people out there, who have kids even when they don’t want them, and then end up miserable. I feel like children are a personal choice… and not for everyone… sometimes I have my doubts on whether or not I even want kids LOL
Oh, and I’m going to take your advice/idea of living on one income to heart… it makes a lot of sense!